Posted by: UC | February 9, 2009

Rob really was found this time. And some dude wore suspenders

Unless you live in a silver Volvo parked deep in the woods of Forks, WA, we guess you’ve seen or heard that Rob was spotted twice this past weekend. We received letters from Mrs. P and thefutureMrs.P on the same day about this latest piece of news. That seemed like a coincidence, so we decided to throw the letters up here for your enjoyment. Xo

Invite says cocktail attair? Rob says "F that, I'm wearing a blue shirt with a black coat, my Nike kicks and a beanie. Suck it Vogue."

Invite says cocktail attire? Rob says "F that, I'm wearing a blue shirt with a black coat, my Nike kicks & a beanie. Suck it Vogue."

Dear Rob,
So glad that you’ve finally made it out of hiding.  I can’t believe how long it’s been (actually it’s been 6weeks  5days  12hours and 15minutes if you want to be precise).  I’ve gotta say, you had me scared.  There have been so many rumors swirling around about you being with some skank pretty brunette or of being in Brazil, or Mexico, New York or Vancouver. I can’t keep up with all the craziness!! It’s so good to be able to finally put all the rumors to rest (except for the brunette…come on you can tell me…I can keep a secret…).

I’m happy knowing that you are still at home resting up, relaxing and mentally preparing for New Moon which starts shooting in a few weeks (You are preparing right? because you will be working beside a depressed sourpuss, and we know that is totally her bag!)  Looks like your hair will be back to “Edwardian Perfection” in time, so no worries there!
Anywho, I just wanted to write, and say it’s SOOOOO good to see you .
(you have no idea!!)

Loves me,
Mrs. P. (as if you didn’t know)

Rob and some bitch ass ho's

"Hello mister. Would you like to have sexual intercourse with me in my cowboy boots? I only cost $17.50

Dear Rob,

Today I started going through the oodles of Google alerts I had and thank heavens! It was a relief to find out you spent the night in London being chased by prostitutes fans. (Hey- the look on your face says you were thinking the same thing!)

Rob's bodyguard Good thing you had your bodyguard with you (who is that chick, really?) Anyhow, maybe it is time to come home. And by home I mean my house.

xoxo,
futureMrsP.

a

a

Mrs. P is back and raggin’ on Rob’s friends after the jump

a

a

That dude in the middle seriously needs to stop

That dude in the middle seriously needs to stop

Dear Rob,

I know you and your boys have been bestest buds for like forevers and all, so I’m gonna say this now, and then hopefully I won’t have to mention it again.  I would tell them myself, but I feel like they might be more receptive if it’s coming from you.

First, tell your boy Tom that plaid button downs are cool for hanging out in the basement playing X-Box and smoking out, but not for fancy dinner parties (even when worn with a suit jacket and only half- buttoned).

Then, let your boy Andy know that suspenders are not EVER cool on guys, and crazy cowgirl shirts should be reserved for remakes of cheesy Spaghetti Westerns. I won’t even start with the shoes.

I mean really? Suspenders? To a VOGUE dinner? PSHAW!! Shame on you for letting them out of the house like that!!—I say all this in love
XOXO
Mrs. P.(as if you didn’t know)

Rob, I’ll let you wear whatever you want if you take me out for valentine’s day. I won’t even talk about the Twi-alentine’s Day Contest we’re having here on the site. Promise.

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Responses

  1. ahhh mrs p,its like you read my mind!those girls did look so uncool with those faux furs n ugly call girl boots and when i first saw that vogue dinner pics with his friend andy,i was taken aback by the hair and *gasps* suspenders???!!uhhh what d heck?!and @ UC,ignore the black nikes…. Yet again.honest to god can someone please get our boy new shoes?paging mommy claire!

  2. Maybe suspenders aren’t so appropriate for a dinner party, but I gotta admit, I find them very sexy when they are off the shoulder and hanging down all loose and ready to be grabbed and/or wrapped up in.

  3. I mean, C’MON!!!

    He is begging for it!

  4. I agree with sass about Rob, he can wear suspenders but nobody else.
    I hadn’t even notice the suspenders because I was preoccupied with the shirts.
    Actually if you look at the pic close I think that the blue shirt Rob is wearing is actually a jacket, or at least it looks like one.
    Love these letters you all rock and had me laughing all the way through!

  5. @Valerie…I thought his blue “shirt” was also a jacket…he must have run out of “clean” shirts…although that has never stopped him before, hah!

  6. Did he really say “suck it, Vogue”??
    Yippee!!!

    Hold on, Rob baby, I gotta grab my knee pads, and I’ll be RIGHT OVER!!

  7. @Vogue…LMAO! Lucky beyotch…

  8. Awwww vogue you lucky girl you!

  9. To both the Mrs. P,

    There’s an article on IMDb about Rob treating a rabid fan to dinner because he had nothing better to do, and I thought of you guys. I would post a link, but it just seemed wrong. And I wasn’t sure how to message either one of you, so I chose the comments. I hope that is okay.

    Anyway, I agree with everything you said. Tom looks awesome, except for the shoes and flannel shirt.

  10. @ Colleen that article ur referring is d one where he had a stalker in spain who stood outside his apartment everyday all day? hey moon and UC,i wanna take a shift standing outside his place when new moon starts…… Just in case he starts to feel lonely and bored again ahahaha!

  11. Me second behind Sherin! I’ll do a 24 or 48 hour shift… I don’t mind taking one for the team!

  12. NO seriously…I just want to know what kind of hair product Andy uses…because I would kill for that volume.

  13. I’m kind of peeved about the skanks he’s decided to surround himself with…it’s ok though I just have to remind myself that they are “just for fun”…nothing serious can come out of that…they are just there to offer him the coochie coupons while he makes it back to the U.S.!! LOL There i’m starting to feel better already… :)

  14. The dude in the middle makes me wanna sing a Bee Gee’s song…
    Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive, stayin alive.
    Crap, now the ah, ah-ing has me fantasizing about orgasms with Rob – AGAIN!

  15. Thanks ladies…I’m glad I’m not alone…and as far as the suspenders and Rob go…I say it shouldn’t happen, no matter how cute you are. I’ll forgive it in the past, because he didn’t know any better–and because he probably stole them from wardrobe from Little Ashes and didn’t realize that they went out of style a half-century ago– he is killing me with those shoes though….XD

  16. yeah girls, it’s a labor of love, I tell ya….

    The sacrifices I’ll make for this God (Rob): chapped lips, cuts on the insides of my mouth from my teeth, knees that are bloodied from chaffing, carpel tunnel syndrome from the hand action, and never mind the whiplash from up-down-up-down-up-down…. it’s all worth it, though!!
    ROFL!!!!! :D

  17. @Mrs.P, at least Rob hasn’t worn them over his shoulders, has he?

  18. Funny, I thought I just found him in some lady’s bunny cage.

  19. @Valerie,
    ummm…not that I’ve seen, and that makes it so much easier to excuse

  20. You know, we talk a lot about his hair, but I’ve yet to see anybody (on any board for that matter) talk about his eyebrows.

    One of the things I do for a living is brow shaping, and I have to say that poor Rob endures some serious torture to get those caterpillars ready for portraying Edward. They are gorgeous when done, but dang, that’s a LOT of waxing and tweezing, and I’m sure he hates every minute of it. I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see that project! LOL! I’m sure he comes out of it all red and watery-eyed. They probably have to do it a few days before filming starts, to let the irritation die down. Poor baby!!

  21. I have to say that if I were RP I’d be DYING to get back to LA. We have much better looking whores here in the States. Although maybe they were just hanging around him to get to his suspendered friend with the happy hair. There’s no accounting for taste considering the outfits they had on.

  22. Suspenders, ancient nikes, dirty t-shirts, pants that would fit a 12 year old girl…it doesnt really matter, its all coming off and winding up on my bedroom floor in the end so I could really care less.

    @Vogue- I agree…I very much prefer the shapely trimmed version of the Edward-esque brows. Im hoping he will just have a new found respect for the misery we have to endure, all in order to bag us a man that will never live up to our expectations of god-like Rob.

  23. @SoWasRed,
    sure it’s gonna end up on the floor, but I like my man Rob to look nice. We have to go out sometime…if only to get food to sustain us :P

  24. I’m voting for the suspenders (on Rob)…as long as they are not over the shoulder. There I said it! Whew! I know I must be crazy but I don’t mind Rob’s fashion choices (even the shoes) b/c mostly I am lazy when it comes to fashion and second I don’t want some dude who is prettier than me, that is valuable time wasted that could be used for other things ;) I think Vogue knows what I’m talkin’ about….

  25. Okay Mrs. P, so it’s agreed if Rob is wearing suspenders or Nikes in San Jose I have dibs. Right?

  26. Oh Gawd I’m laughing. @meadowc – have to agree.

    I love this site!!! It’s my daily fix of fantasy.

    I’m going to have to go out for more batteries soon at this rate!!!!! Mr English has left me for the greater european continent this week so it’s just me and Rob (in my mind) and …. well … nuff said. One must cultivate a certain air of mystery for our man and try not to let it all out on a public board after all.

    And the eyebrows …… divine, whether Robscaped or au naturel …. don’t get me going again. Ahhhhhhhhh ….

  27. ummm…did I say that!!

  28. I DON’T remember saying that!!

  29. @vickyb,
    you don’t want your man to be Prettier than you…but can’t he be EQUALLYas Pretty??? I think so…my friend has a theory about couples, and thinks that they should be matched horses, in the looks department…I believe this extends to fashion…If I look like Audrey Hepburn(fashion-wise) I don’t want to be hanging on Dave Grohl’s arm (fashion-wise)
    Just saying….

  30. @vickyb…see my post near the top, re: the suspenders. ;-)

  31. @Sass,
    I saw that pic, and as the suspenders are hanging, and not interfering with my ability to undress Rob quickly(ie. tear his shirt off so fast he doesn’t know what’s happening!)
    They can stay :D
    Aren’t I gracious :P

  32. @Mrs. P…you are very gracious indeed!I always knew that about you! :-)

    That is what I find so sexy about hanging suspenders…it makes him look as if he is half undressed and ready to throw you down at any second. Or shove you up against a wall. That works too.

  33. @Sass-Mmm I concur!
    The off the shoulder suspenders are tasty….almost as delicious as when a man is wearing a tux, jacket open, the top shirt button undone and his bow tie is tied and hanging straight down around his neck…mmm *pause for mental orgasm*
    Someone please tell me such a picture of Rob exists?!

  34. @Sass,
    I’ll def. take it standing up…against a wall…if available…Ha! I’ll take it laying down too…I’ll take it ANYWAY HE WANTS to give it to me!! :P

  35. I know…I’M SUCH A DIRTY GIRL!!

  36. Don’t hold it against me…unless your ROB and then definitely hold it against me…;P

  37. @SoWasRed…if I ever do find such a pic, I will let you know!

  38. Is it hot in here? Coz I am definitely feeling really warm.

  39. @ mrs p, cant say i blame yah,im definitely standing in line with yah in the dirty girl section….as long as its for rob then i’ll take it anyway,anywhere,anyday he wants to give me!

  40. @ lauren…yeah i was also wondering how many cans of hairspray,hair gel,mousse,antifreeze etc etc. andy had to use to get that volume?i mean seriously a hurricane could have popped by and every strand of his hair would still be in place.

  41. You guys are killin me today… I love it! :D

  42. @ vogue. This link is for you. His eyebrows have been noticed.

  43. @futuremrspattinson – THANKS!

    That vid was great! The song is adorable “Mr. Caterpillar Eyebrows”! I’ve never seen that one! Added to my youtube favorites :D

    @JBell – I’m with you, the girls are cracking me up today!! When I read about Rob shoving somebody up against a wall, my heart literally did a flipflop in my chest and things got very balmy “south of the border”. LOL!!!

  44. $17.50? Wow, she’s put ‘er prices up like.

  45. @Vogue – “balmy” LOL I’m gonna be adding that to my list of phrases/words to start using in real life… no joke. hahahah

    1. “bang”
    2. “word to your mother”
    3. “things got very balmy south of the border”

  46. Awww, guys….. I don’t know. I guess I feel sort of protective of Rob. He gets so little time to himself. The “Rob” machine has taken over his life. They want to tell him what to say, how to wear his hair, what his music should be, how to conduct himself…. I say – if the boy wants to wear his black nikes to a Vogue party – let him! He’s trying to preserve what little control he has over his life.

    And, oh yeah….the vision of the tux and being slammed up against a wall, running my fingers through those tousled locks….okay, I have to stop now or I’m going to have to go book a flight to London….

  47. @twigal – Awww! Very nicely put; I completely agree with your comment. I like the Nikes and his “style” because it shows he’s staying true to himself. Although… Gucci makes some really nice sneakers. ;)

  48. DEAR ROB – please stop wearing my dads leather jacket. it’s weirding me out. also honey let me unbutton that top button so you can stop looking like a cholo.

    PS I WIN… this girl:

    is also the girl from the harry potter pics we posted a while back:

  49. That leather jacket he wears looks exactly like the one sourpuss wears all the time… [see Exhibit A]

    o0o!

    And here’s a question for you ladies – Should we continue to rag on sourpuss for never smiling, or should we commend her for not smiling?? [see Exhibit B]

    Exhibit A & B -

    http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/CCrsZYrKKv7/Rome+Film+Festival+2008+Twilight+Premiere/2actChqZKPd/Kristen+Stewart

    lol :)

  50. @JBell – I vote that not only do we continue to rag on sourpuss, we keep calling her sourpuss. I crack up at that name! Or come up with new ones like:
    bittertwat ( a play on sourpuss)

    @moon – WHO is that fugly chick with Rob? That was some good sleuthing on your part. It does appear to be the same girl. I swear if he’s sticking it in that ..that….skanky, hairy hole, I’ll jump off a cliff.


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