Rob’s mailbox is overflowing

Apology time: we’ve gotten TONS TONS and TONS of “Fan letters” for Rob lately (thanks to everyone xo!) and just haven’t had time to post them.  Last night, theMoonisDown and I got together to read over all the letters. (by “got together” I mean chatted on AIM)  Then we (pretend) called Rob to read him the highlights.  He was (pretend) TICKLED with your letters and (pretend) begged us to share them with all his fans PRONTO.  And when Rob demands something, we do what he says. MmmHmm. 

Here are some teaser quotes that had us rollin’:

• I am 27 – old enough to know better, young enough not to care.- Laura A.
• IT‘s a sure thing  (I hope what your IT means is the same as what my IT means)- Vicky B.
• There are no rehab centers for dazzle-abuse– H
• This cougar will take GOOD care of you!- Amber
• I’d stretch that shit out allll day- Anonymous

Rob is Ticklish

Hi Rob,

 Thanks for the song that you wrote… um, yeah, for me.

 I noticed that you giggled at 2:18 — Remember, that was after I tickled you. You’re so ticklish, Robbie…

❤ Laura

Yep, this thing, back in the U.S. NOW

Get your ass back in the U.S.

Rob,

Thanks to the stalking-enabler known as “The Internet,” I’ve fallen into a comfortable routine of checking my Google Alerts over coffee each morning to find how you spent the previous evening. Throughout the day, I can occasionally check on you to make sure you’re still looking fabulous and fully enjoying all that [life] has to offer.

Going out with the girls after work has given me a new kind of rush knowing there’s a chance you’ll breeze into my watering-hole of choice, leaving every female within a 100 ft. radius incapacitated. I’ll spend the whole night trying to find the balance between confidence-inducing-tipsy and speech-impediment-drunk so that when you do show up I can casually ask you to please let me be the ‘random chick’ and all the celeb blogs will point to as we’re seen stumbling out of the bar together at 2AM.

Rob… darling, enough is enough. It’s time to give the people what they want: you. [Come back to the U.S.] There are no rehab centers for dazzle-abuse. 

Love you, miss you, mean it!

– h

Read more after the jump (you WON’T be sorry!)

Don't be scared, Robbie. I won't bite...hard

Rob’s not so sure of himself around the ladies

Dear Rob, 

I recently found this excerpt from an interview you did not too long ago, although it seems like it was a long time ago because you are still far away in London and I am sitting here in California waiting for your return, where you mentioned being a little unsure of yourself with the ladies,

“I’‘m such a wimp with that kind of stuff. If I’m not sure she’s interested I won’t go near. It has to be sure thing.” 

Despite his heart-throb status, TWILIGHT hunk ROBERT PATTINSON isn’t brave enough to take the lead with the ladies. 

I just want to ASSURE you that I am definitely interested, and trust me IT’s a sure thing  (I hope what your IT means is the same as what my IT means). If this is the reason you have been staying away then, well, Please Come Back! I don’t think you are a wimp. Even if Taylor/Jacob has bigger arms than you and a total six-pack, he’s still a boy! You, with your sex hair and chest hair, are a real man! If this short letter is not enough to convince you that I am interested then please come back so I can show you. 

Love me, Vickyb

Rob, stay away from Paris (Hilton that is)

Dear Rob,

You should know that I impressed by you. I look forward to seeing more of your work and hope that you can have the agency in your career that every young talent deserves.  If you are seen photographed with Paris Hilton, I will be very disappointed.  If you become a meth-addict and take a turn at Promises, I will be very disappointed.  If you stop believing that you can contribute something brilliant and artistic to the savagery of film-making, I will be very disappointed.

Be well,

Laura
Philadelphia, PA

PS. Is it purely coincidental that your itunes playlist is a compendium of tracks best suited for sweaty wanton sex, or is that truly your bag?
PPS – I understand that your fans are either 13 or 40, and you should know that I am 27 – old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

I miss you Rob, even though I don’t know you, is that silly?

Dear Rob,

How are you? Long time no see….just wanted to send you a note to tell you how much I miss you. I keep in touch with some of your friends on the net, I have made lots new friends, sometimes we talk about you and how great you are, they do miss you a lot too.

Even though I have been busy, at times I miss seeing you, how silly of me right?? I realize that my homepage started playing sad songs…it might be because I miss you so much.

Yes, I know you don’t think there is nothing to miss about you…you are silly that way…but there is so much about you that I do miss. Somebody told me you cut your hair, LOL, that brought a smile to my face, you have such a rebel heart…I like that about you…always trying to keep true to yourself. I miss your sarcasm and your laugh…well I miss your smile and the beautiful spark in your eyes. It seems that you have kids look…you know the look when they have done something wrong but they don’t want to tell you?…that is how you look at times…very interesting…I like it !

Well I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy surrounded by family and friends

Your friend,

 Driguerra

Rob, you’re on my freebie list, therefore it’s okay to cheat on my husband.

Dear Rob,

First of all, congrats! This a great day for you! Before you go scratching your head wondering what is so wonderful, I’ll tell you…you are now part of my freebie list!

What does this mean you ask? Are you a fan of the TV series “Friends”? There is an episode titled “The One with Frank Jr.” where the gang all consider what five celebrities would be on their “freebie list”–people they can sleep with without their significant other getting upset. And, inspired by that episode, my husband and I both have our very own freebie lists, which are updated as we go.

Last year, the death of Heath Ledger left a vacancy on my list that I was having a difficult time filling. See, I’m picky about my freebies, so it really is an honor to be chosen as one of my five. So, here it is, in no particular order, my freebie list:

1.       Robert Pattinson

2.       Gavin Rossdale

3.       Jonathan Rhys Meyers

4.       Brad Pitt (he started the vampire obsession first)

5.       David Boreanaz (do we see a vampire trend?)

So, next time you are in the South Central part of the country (in that state hidden between Kansas and Texas), come and dazzle me! This cougar will take GOOD care of you!

Love, me (Amber) 

Foreplay with Rob

Rob,

That look you’re giving?  That’s foreplay right there…and I’d stretch that shit out all day

xo

 

 

I know what some of you are thinking, “Bitch- I sent you a letter THREE WEEKS AGO and you haven’t posted it yet.” Well, here’s (probabaly) why: It’s so good that it’s getting special treatment and will be it’s very own post very soon. OR some poor customer of mine at work is VERY confused right now b/c I accidentally fowarded it to them because my inbox is so overloaded and I get so confused when I’m trying to work and post/read crap.