Dear Rob,

When I heard there would be a 10 second teaser clip for the Eclipse trailer I was excited and a little confuzzeled. I mean why is there a teaser clip for a trailer? Isn’t that the purpose of a trailer to be a teaser for the movie? But I wasn’t about to ask questions. We’ve had about zero exclusives from Eclipse so I was glad to take anything I was given. Beggars can’t be choosers after all, right?

I was hoping for some sort of awesome montage or something to really show us the crazy awesome intense-ness (cause that’s a word) that is Eclipse. It seems as though I was forgetting it was only TEN seconds. As in TEN, the small little number ten. So in my infinite wisdom since I hadn’t seen it all day I told UC I would record my reaction and show you all… here’s me and the 10 second teaser clip for Eclipse

please love my hipster glasses with me

Yea that was it, ten seconds. I don’t know what I was expecting maybe a crazy red tinted action sequence where someone gets their head ripped off while newborn baby vampire’s wail in the background? Well if that’s the case, my expectations were a big FAT fail.

You looks good though Rob, all 2 seconds I saw you. I was too busy being distracted by Taylor’s fake beer gut and the khaki korts. Also did Taylor get a majority (of the 10 seconds) of the dialogue and Kristen got NONE? Hmmmm the trailer is already divided Team Edward and Team Jacob.

And now the real trailer will be out today? What was the teaser for again?

One more time!
Themoonisdown

What did you think? Was it a big ol 10 seconds worth of box tease? Will I need to do this all over again with the REAL trailer? Say no. How should I hang those windows behind me? Does Jacob look a little stubby?

After the jump, oh yes- it’s TIME… the REAL DEAL. THE REAL TRAILER:

Hmm. Did I put on pants today?

Dear Rob,

Yesterday, in conversation with fellow Gossip Girl lover Too_Far_Gone, I confessed that my current passion for Ed Westwick is greater than my passion for you *hides.* Hey- You can hardly blame me! I had just watched this video (and :26 in particular) and my life was ruled by “muted purples” Monday night. And all I’ve had from you lately is Hanes T-shirts paired with dress pants and fluffy, longish hair. You know how I feel about your unkempt look- I’m okay with a little rough around the edges, but if you start to look like there are probably pit stains under your arms and your breath smells like 3 day old coffee and cigarettes, well, stuffy Upper East Side clad Chuck Bass starts to look wayyyyy better.

That’s not to say that there haven’t been moments in this press tour that I’ve done a double take. “Wait, is that Rob? Wow- from that angle he looks less Oscar the Grouch and more like the guy I started this blog for.” Even seeing you at the Jimmy Fallon show last week barely got my temperature rising. I can handle the press call & interview outfits you wore- which were clearly picked out by you and TomStu early in the morning while you were still drunk from the night before, because the night before still hadn’t ended, or after you woke from your afternoon nap, 5 minutes before running out the door for your evening TV appearances- but I cannot handle your hair.

I miss the days of DEP in your hair

I’ve never liked it long. I’ve never been a fan of “Sex Drive” Rob- and even back then at least someone forced you to style it with a little gel or maybe some mousse. But now? It’s like if Mr. Darcy found a time machine and was transported from the 1800s to TODAY- maybe it works on set at Bel Ami, but need it under control now! It’s 2010! Slicked back 50s hair is the look for men right now!

Enough bitching, I did want to get Roblosophical with you today. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been feeling your “look” as of late, but I haven’t been consumed with the Remember Me press, interviews, articles & videos as I have been with your other work (named: Twilight) Sure, sure, I’ve seen the MAJOR interviews. I WENT to New York and saw you on Fallon. I watched The View, Jon Stewart, Myspace’s Artist to Artist and….. ugh… that might be it. Oh- I DID just read some random article on some Kansas City site (seriously- THEY got an interview and we didn’t?), but I honestly think that’s the extent of it. I have a few emails sitting in my inbox of interviews to check out from friends of friends. I actually have a real life FRIEND who interviewed you and I haven’t even read her interview yet. What is going on? Is it that I’m tired of reading and hearing the same questions over and over again? How many times can you answer “Do you regret Twilight.” “How crazy is your life right now?” “Do you fear Remember Me not being accepted by your fans?”  Or…. am I more obsessed with the idea of you as Edward than I realized? Dun dun DUNNNNN And since this movie is NOT about Edward….then I just don’t care as much?

The thing is.. I know I’m not alone. I’ve seen comments here on LTR where other people have confessed that they haven’t seen all the interviews or read all the articles yet. I’ve gotten emails & confessions from readers to the same tune. What has gotten INTO us!? Is it the winter blues ? We’re going through the Rob Pattinson blues? Despite you being EVERYWHERE in the media, on billboards on our ways to work, popping up on every website we visit, we’re just numb because we’ve been hearing about this movie for like… nine months? And despite the media frenzy around you right now, it’s NOTHING compared to last summer- the summer of Remember Me?

I don’t know. I do know that in my conversation with Too_Far_Gone yesterday I did a little math. And it looked like this:

My love for Sexwick > Rob Pattinson currently

Well, that is until she reminded me while I was deep into my you-tubing of Chuck & Blair’s sexiest scenes, that all that will probably be thrown out the window come Friday night.

Too_Far_Gone: Well, wait until Friday night when we see Remember Me. We’ll be back at square one….
Me: oh yeah.. I forgot.. crap… sex against the wall. in a shower… spaghetti. His thing in a bra… hmm
Too_Far_Gone: ummm yes. scuse me while i… go pass out in the ladies bathroom just thinking about his sparklepeen.

See? Sparklepeen! You’ll never escape Edward. Never. In the meantime, let’s see if Remember Me ignites a lost passion in me Friday night. I’ll be happy if I stay up half the night watching & reading all the interviews I’ve missed over the past week!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So, let’s get Roblosophical (Are you new? That’s the Philosophy of Rob. It’s when we get deep. That’s what she said. Read more here!) Have you watched & devoured EVERYTHING about Rob in Remember Me like you have with the Twi franchise? If so- you get to be his fans of the day. If not, why? Unsure like me? Winter blues? Not sure you’re gonna like Remember Me? Can’t handle 1800’s hair Rob? Discuss!

We keep talking about it but you buy your tickets yet? You can buy them (here) in advance on Fandango.

Anndddddd don’t forget to participate in “Remember Me Saturday” this weekend! Who is going again Saturday!? Check out the Remember Me Saturday website for more details

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Oh hello time machine in cd form, thank you for taking me back to 2001

Dear Rob,

You know how much we love to talk about music around here and well any excuse to talk about it in relation to you and your movies is a welcome post for me to write! When I first saw that screening of Remember Me back in November all they had were some temp tracks and I couldn’t wait to see what they were going to use in the final cut of the movie. I knew if Alex Patsavas and Chop Shop were attached we’d end up with something pretty awesome, as if their usual M.O. And I think for the most part the soundtrack for Remember Me is no different minus a few tracks I could have left off.

Most of this music and these bands were popular in the late 90s early 00s when this movie takes place. Which made me really have to dig to find these songs on the interwebs to share with you guys, so listen to the video or open the link in a new window to listen.  BUUUTTT I gotta say some of these are kinda painful to listen while others make me want to hug my ipod.Ya win some, ya lose some right?

So let’s get to it, shall we?

*SPOILER ALERT!!! If you want to remain a virgin I may say a couple things about scenes in RM. FYI*

1. Alien Lover – Luscious Jackson

The lyrics seem appropriate as they’re pretty alien to each other for a while. All I can picture when I listen to this is college dorm rooms in the late 90s which I guess is pretty much perfect for this movie.

2. Play On – Kottonmouth Kings

(Video NSFW)
This is like the early 2000s version of crap like Slipknot and Insane Clown Posse. Named the “Band of the Year” by “High Times Magazine” I’m sure you can see why after you listen. I can see this being put in the jail scene or maybe walking in the alley before the rumble/fight.

3. Kandles (iTunes link) – National Skyline
This is definitely more in my wheel house, late 90s shoe gaze, dream pop!? Yes, please! And of course this means this song is no where (legal) online that I can link to besides it’s iTunes link. This definitely fits brooding Tyler way more than that rap-rock stuff. Imagine the Tyler riding his bicycle in the rain scene.

4. Soft Shoulder – Ani Difranco

This will probably most definitely be a song for Emilie’s character Ally. Ani Defrano was like every stereotypical English Lit/Women’s Studies major college girls music, this soundtrack wouldn’t have been complete without it, for reals. It’s too bad there’s no Ally going to Lillith Fair scene, this would have ruled. Most likely probably just when she gets all huffy with her Dad and leaves.

Follow the cut, trust me it gets better. I swear!

Dear Rob,

One of the VERY first videos I watched of you was the Myspace artist on artist conversation between you and Hayley Williams from Paramore, and it’s still to this day one of my favorite interviews of you EVER. So, I’ll be honest I was worried that your artist on artist interview with Pierce Brosnan might not live up. It’s not going to go down in history as my favorite Rob interview EVER, but there was some great stuff here:

(doesn’t work outside of the US? Watch on YouTube here)

First of all, can we discuss your outfit? Gray (is that a slight pinstripe?) dress pants and a white T-shirt? What is that? Marks & Spencer store brand? Did you show up in sweatpants and a t-shirt (your PJs of choice) on this morning and the Myspace people were like, “No way. Not gonna cut it?” Did they look around everywhere for another outfit option and only came up with the pants from the gaffer #3? Some poor guy is standing behind the camera, holding the microphone, pantsless (I’m sure you offered your sweatpants once you realized what the Myspace people were doing. However…. I’m gonna guess the gaffer took one look at those haven’t-been-washed-in-3-months sweatpants and said he’s rather just hang out in his whitey tights for awhile.)

How cute was it that Pierce watched the movie with his entire family? Were you pissed? You seemed shocked that he saw the film before you did. I mean, you’re the executive producer! By the way, what does that mean? Did you give them a little seed money in exchange for the right to tell Summit- hell NO I’m not letting you promote this movie saying “Edward Cullen finds himself a new “Bella” and they eat “Italiano off each other”? I think it’s great. You’re all grown up- from vampire to executive producer. From sweatpants and a tshirt to pinstripe gray dresspants stolen off a poor union worker! I’m so proud.

When you guys discussed your favorite scene, you both laughed. It wasn’t a “Remember that hilarious scene we did together” kind of laugh (cuz I hear its not so much of a hilarious movie). I’m feeling there’s a story there. Come on, you can tell me. What happened? Did Pierce fart one time right after the director said “Action?” Did Tyler break into a British accent which caused his Brooklyn raised dad to start talking Irish? Did you guys get pissed at each other and throw steaks at the Oak room? Did something happen with Emile sex-related? Did you guys have a threesome?

I know Pierce played your dad in the film, but I was kinda surprised to see the father-son relationship you had during the interview. I hope Dick doesn’t see it- he might get a little jealous. First there was the excitement the ‘dad’ had for his “son’s” new job. Pierce seemed so proud of you about Bel Ami (and also a little like he wanted to take you out for beers and ask for details on all the beautiful woman you mentioned!) Then he starts asking you about the “vampire piece” you have coming out. It’s so cute. It’s like you’re in college, home on spring break, and your dad is asking you about something he doesn’t understand- your philosophy class or something. Then he starts imparting wisdom on you about how the studio will try to drag out the series even longer than just the 4 books. He shares his experience, “Well, back in my day when I waked through ice, snow & sleet to school… there were only 7 books- but that didn’t matter.” And you’re SO interested! “There were only 7 books!? So Connery did most of the books?” I see the wheels turning your head. You’re thinking you’re like Connery. You’re proud that this “dad” figure is comparing you to Connery. Or to himself. Like maybe Pierce sees a little bit of himself in you! And whoa- that’s something. Cuz Pierce Brosnan isn’t just any dad. He’s a dad who has hooked up with the hottest women EVER. He’s…. well, JAMES BOND. Poor Dick… he doesn’t stand a chance. When choosing between James Bond or a car salesman for a father figure, he knows who you’re gonna choose…..

So while it wasn’t Hayley Williams, cokes around a table & jokes about southern accents, it was pretty cute. However, I think I wanna watch this one again… just to reminisce:

(Outside US)

“Here,”
UnintendedChoice

PS- I missed you at the Oscars last night. The experience was… much less satisfying. I actually WATCHED the awards (read: got drunk on champagne) instead of scanning the crowd constantly for any sign of you

Also, I’d like to take a moment of silence for the following adorable pictures:

Did you buy your Remember Me tickets yet? What are you waiting for!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Pics from TwiCrackAddict

*Welcome back to our reoccurring post called “How I Fell for Rob” where readers tell us well, uh how they fell for Rob. Want to share your story? Email us and you could be featured!*

Wait, you didn't think this dude was hot enough to be Edward??

Dear Rob,

You’ve gotten so many letters that follow the following pattern: Girl never heard of Twilight; Girl finds out about Rob; Girl thinks Rob is “meh”; Girl sees Twilight; Girl obsessed over Rob; Girl proves why he deserves to be obsessed over. While my story has the same outcome, it’s a bit different.

I had read books 1-3 (the 4th wasn’t even out yet) of the Twilight series before the Twilight movie was even thought of. And let me tell you-Edward had my heart! When it was announced that a movie was in the making and that YOU were playing the part of the delicious Mr. Cullen I had to Google you and see how you measured up. Unfortunately, in my eyes, you didn’t measure up AT ALL (I know, I know…How can I even call myself a fan? I am SO sorry, and I will make it up to someday!! Just give me a call . I even visited the Twilight fan sites that were demanding for a replacement, but, to my credit, I didn’t sign any petitions! Eventually, I got over the fact that you were going to be playing Edward, and I even convinced myself that you were actually perfect for the part. I went into the movie theatre opening night with no ill feelings towards you at all. Until you appeared on the screen (Oh, I should’ve warned you that this letter actually gets worse before it gets better).

You like my bouffant?

While some people could see past the ridiculous caked-on white makeup, the red lips, the boufont hair…And those eyebrows! Yeesh!…I could not. So I left the theatre disappointed, and feeling how I did in the beginning-How could this guy be the one they chose to play Edward??

Months went by and I forgot about you and Twilight. I only saw the movie in theatre once, and I didn’t even buy it when it came out on DVD (in fact I didn’t even own a copy until 3 months ago!). It wasn’t until I loaned the books to my sister-in-law to read that I even thought about you again (and this too was probably only 4 or 5 months ago). She mentioned that after she read the first one, she became an obsessed Twi-freak and watched numerous interviews you and Kristen had done on YouTube. She had me curious-What were you like when not playing a vampire? I got on YouTube, clicked on the first interview I found, and BAM. I was done for.

You were gorgeous and funny and your accent was so sexy!…*Sigh*…I was in Heaven. I completely and totally fell for you. Not you as Edward, or the sexy smoldering version of you that is in all the magazines (although that side of you is very HOTT as well). I fell for the adorkable, stuttering, stammering, hair fondling, musically inclined Brit that is you, Robert (AKA Spunk Ransom!).

Don't mind me... just stuck in this fog

Needless to say, my obsession with you grew quickly, and I now have all the magazines, books, calendars etc. with you on/in them. I listen to your songs daily. I have seen New Moon in theatre 4 times and have 3 different copies of the DVD on reserve. I even have my own version of Twilight, and I can finally see past the makeup/hair/American accent.

I love you Rob, yes, as Edward, but more importantly, just as YOU. You make my life sparklier every day …Just don’t tell my husband I said so (even though I’m fairly certain he already knows!).

Always,
Mindi

So…. Rob is in a new movie. Have you heard? Did you buy your tickets yet? You can buy them in advance on Fandango.

Anndddddd there’s a campaign going around to make Saturday March 13th, “Remember Me Saturday.” The idea is to go back and see the movie again (assuming you’re seeing it Friday night) and bring your family and friends- yes, even your grandpa. Having trouble getting the man in your life to give a crap about this movie? How about printing a picture out of Emile De Ravin, who has been looking smokin’ lately, and telling him that he’ll get to see her in some sex scenes? Oh, and make sure NOT to mention that Rob is in the movie. Then he’ll probably go with you for sure! Check out the Remember Me Saturday website for more details

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Pic from Robsesssed

Dear Rob,

Let’s be honest, most of us like you because you were Edward. Sure, sure, ever since we fell for you as Edward we’ve learned to appreciate your other works- but we weren’t sitting around having “Saturday AM Delights” in Cedric Diggory. We weren’t writing Daniel Gale fan fic (scratch that- I wasn’t writing Daniel Gale fan fic. Other people supposedly were. *shudders*)

So while we wait to see you in a new role next weekend and as we anticipate a trailer showing you reprise your role as our beloved Edward Cullen, how about we reminisce all the good times we’ve had as we’ve watched you portray our one half of our favorite romantic couple since Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky on Full House.

Get your tissues ready for this one

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu3bt9rdKpg]

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Rob is my perfect Edward. I read the books before I knew about the movies so I never really had a person to play Edward in mind. When I saw the first trailer with Rob, I wasn’t convinced, but all it took was one second of Rob walking into the cafeteria for me to be convinced he was the one!

Help us out by participating in a poll after the jump:

Dear Rob and LTR-ers,

I had all this lovely Rob porn all created for this Friday to try to help alleviate the Winter Blues UC and I were both talking about yesterday and as I was about to go upload it to here I get some sort of weird computer virus something and I got scared and tried to run a virus scan but it was acting all wonky so I turned it off. And now I’m wondering how the crap I’m going to post anything at all.

So mobile wordpress I went and well as you can see the results are awful. I guess I never expected this day to come, who get’s computer viruses in the year 2010? Um, me I guess.

ugh this sucks
Moon

7:00 am Update UC TO THE RESCUE actually… Katiebird to the rescue:

Why yes, this guy WAS in GQ at some point...

Hey Rob,

I know that it is weird to get an email from me, since you and I usually talk and spend quite a bit of time together, in my dreams. Like last night was great (that’s what I said). I know that you don’t know this, because it actually has never come up, when we are together (in my dreams). I know that you think of me as this amazing, mysterious woman, who is single, (in my dreams with you, I am single and slightly younger, so please continue to go with this) but actually in reality, I am married to a great guy. So, why am I writing you, you ask?

My guy said the most amazing thing about you this morning, before I went to work, and I just had to tell you!! We are getting ready to move back to Chicago, from Michigan, so my guy is working on packing up things around the house. (Don’t worry, I’ll give you my forwarding address, so that we can meet up, next time you’re in Chitown) I kind of wish that he would ask me first, before packing some things, like my Twilight books, but he told me what box that they are in, in case I need a fix before Eclipse comes out. (He is so sweet!) This morning I woke up, I mean literally sat up in bed in a panic, wondering if in his haste to clear things out, that he might have accidently, throw out his stack of magazines, in the office. I didn’t want to wake my guy in his sleep, but I was wondering if I needed to go thru the trash can in the garage, for a certain magazine, from April of last year. I took a shower, had some coffee, and tried to think about how to approach him about this, without being laughed at. Because of my time constraints before going to work, I needed to get right to the point, so I just went with honesty, “Love, don’t laugh at me about this, but did you throw out all of your magazines that were sitting in a stack, in your office?” He looked at me with a smirk, and said, “No love, I didn’t throw your favorite magazine out. I kept it some place safe.” I didn’t want to hurt his ego so I had to ask,”You don’t hate me for wanting to keep that GQ magazine with Rob?” Here is where it gets interesting. His reply was, “Are you kidding me? I have the utmost respect for Robert Pattinson. I should thank that guy.” See Rob, he is starting to understand us!

I can only guess that he is slowly coming to the realization that because of you, Twilight, and some serious long nights reading Fanfiction, based on you and Twilight, that his life in our bedroom, had greatly improved for the better. I know, I know, that this sounds like I am cheating on us, but really, you are just in my dreams, and my guy is pretty amazing.

I mean, like a year ago ago, when my head was buried in the Twilight series, and I was impatiently waiting for the movie on DVD, I mistakingly mentioned you in passing. My guy has no idea just how much time I spend looking at pictures/videos of you, but he did notice my reaction to his GQ magazine when it arrived, with your face on the cover. My face kind of gave my feelings away, when he showed it to me. Sorry, but you really out did yourself with that photo shoot. My guy, at that time, and the months following, refused to call you by your right name, and in fact most of the time, you were referred to, as “a tool”. The fact that he wants to thank you, is a really big deal.

This is why I feel so complied to tell you about this revelation. I promise, this will be the last time, that I will speak of this. I don’t want to ruin your mood, when we “see” each other again. See you soon, baby.

XXOO

Your katiebird

One of our super awesome forum mods JodieO is celebrating a birthday today and some of the ladies in the Forum made her a special treat…

So…. Rob is in a new movie. Have you heard? Did you buy your tickets yet? You can buy them in advance on Fandango.

Anndddddd there’s a campaign going around to make Saturday March 13th, “Remember Me Saturday.” The idea is to go back and see the movie again (assuming you’re seeing it Friday night) and bring your family and friends- yes, even your grandpa. Having trouble getting the man in your life to give a crap about this movie? How about printing a picture out of Emile De Ravin, who has been looking smokin’ lately, and telling him that he’ll get to see her in some sex scenes? Oh, and make sure NOT to mention that Rob is in the movie. Then he’ll probably go with you for sure! Check out the Remember Me Saturday website for more details

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

Pic from Robsesssed

Sparklepants (um, best name ever) has done some research for us on the 5 stages of Robsession…

Dear Rob,

I’m a huge fan of the site LTR and their “mission” [UC Note: You can call us missionaries from  now on]. It’s been nice to find a place where I can enjoy my Robsession out in the open. (Okay, well in a small browser on my desktop behind an excel spreadsheet, but you get the point). I realized that, as a sane person, I am conflicted. There’s my inner tween squealing with fangirly delight toting her Team Edward backpack around. And then there’s independent strong woman who dates serious guys, like guys with jobs in finance. What happened to me? It was then I realized that the Kubler-Ross model is not the 5 stages of death, but rather the 5 stages of Robsession. Get on the couch, grab your Snuggie and read on.

Stage 1: Denial…It ain’t just a river in Egypt.

"So you're saying there's a chance"

I denied my addiction at first . Well, it’s wasn’t a full-blown addiction at first, but denial is the the first rung on the downward spiral that leaves you up at 2am, suckling at your Details magazine in the dark, drinking Chardonnay out of a box Googling, “rob pattinson girlfriend” to ensure you’re single, cause then I have a chance. I was a powder blue tux away from being Jim Carey in ‘Dumb and Dumber’. In some small part of my brain, where reading too much fan porn fiction had rotted away my sanity, I believed we were going to meet, fall in love and have sparkly, bouffanted babies. Cue Wayne’s World dream sequence….bloodeedebloooboo…..We’re in the frozen foods section of the grocery store. We both reach for the same box of Pepperoni & Sausage Hot Pockets and BAM. Fireworks.

Stage 2: Anger

So why are we not together Rob? We could be rummaging through the dollar bin at Goodwill right now. I’ve spent so much time investing in our relationship that I barely see my friends anymore and I’m on the verge of losing my job. I’ve even taken up smoking. I’ve made so many sacrifices for you. And how do you repay me? By cavorting with nude models and mullets? And then profess your immortal love for…your dog? That’s my competition? What’s the hold up Rob? Allergic shmergic. Take some Claritin, lace up the Nike’s and get your (*hackingcough*) ass over here. Now.

Stage 3: Bargaining

"So I've got you for down Tuesdays and Thursdays. KStew on Fridays and Wednesdays...waittaminute, where's TomStu?"

Okay, okay. So I get it, I’m not going to run into you at my local Piggly Wiggly. I mean you have Dean/Steve to satiate your all your Hot Pockets desires. Fine. And so what I’m a little older…not Betty White old, just more…mature (read: experienced). Maybe Alice won’t throw us a fairy tale wedding replete with white gardenias but I still think we could have mindblowing sex a blast together. I don’t need forever…just some shits and giggles over a few Heinekens. Blast some Clare de Lune, make some prank calls to Cougar Cathy. That’s all. See I’m not greedy. I can share.

Step 4: Depression

We’re not getting married. We’re not having bouffant babies. We’re not friends. Heck, you don’t even know I exist. I just wanna crawl under the covers and not shower or wash my hair for days, even weeks on end…but (sigh) that only reminds me more of you. I don’t even care. What’s the point of life without you? Nothing makes me happy. Not Press Rob, all curled up on a chair in the fetal position, fondling a microphone. Not Plaid Rob, or 8-Layers of Shirts Rob. Or even Underwearless Oscar Rob…okay, wait that still makes me happy.

Step 5: Acceptance

"It took all the strength I had not to fall apart. Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart."

Fine. I’m merely one of the hundreds of millions of females on the planet who live under the same crazy psychotic one-step-away-from-the-looney-bin pretense that you’re attainable. That you’re “one of us”. But regular people don’t have 759,427 blogs and websites dedicated to them. Not just dedicated, but DEDICATED. Like fly-around-the-world-to-get-a-glimpse-of-the-back-of-your-head dedicated. How do I compete with that? I was better off when it was just Patti. So Rob, I concede. We gave it a go, but obviously there are just too many obstacles keeping us apart. The not-knowing-I-exist is a pretty big one. I just don’t see how we can move past that. I’m sorry Rob…it’s over. That is unless I end up getting tickets to a premiere and we happen to be at the popcorn stand reaching for the same bag of Sour Patch Kids….(and now back to Stage 1…)

You had me at “Cheeseburger”.

- Sparklepants

This is pretty much my daily inner-monologue. I just thought if there was one person out there that I could help this would be worth it.

Thanks Sparklepants, it WAS worth it. Now, which stage are YOU in? Still think you’re gonna tap that someday? Depressed that you never will? I am working on a letter with the stage I am in, so you’ll just have to wait

So…. Rob is in a new movie. Have you heard? Did you buy your tickets yet? You can buy them in advance on Fandango.

Anndddddd there’s a campaign going around to make Saturday March 13th, “Remember Me Saturday.” The idea is to go back and see the movie again (assuming you’re seeing it Friday night) and bring your family and friends- yes, even your grandpa. Having trouble getting the man in your life to give a crap about this movie? How about printing a picture out of Emile De Ravin, who has been looking smokin’ lately, and telling him that he’ll get to see her in some sex scenes? Oh, and make sure NOT to mention that Rob is in the movie. Then he’ll probably go with you for sure! Check out the Remember Me Saturday website for more details

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter

My what lovely hands you have Rob... and what a lovely bootaaaayyy

Dear Rob,

It happens every time… I’ll go a few days… a week… maybe even a few weeks and have MEH feelings towards you. And I feel like maybe I’m getting over you and then WHAM you do it to me again… and again… and again. Today is no different. What I was expecting to be a nails on the chalkboard experience watching you and Emilie on The View with those old hags turned out to reveal yet another thing that makes me love you just a little bit more. When asked about liking older women you mentioned thinking Betty White being one of the sexiest women in America.

Seriously, BETTY FREAKING WHITE?! Betty “ROSE NYLUND” White, Betty “ST OLAF” White?!!! I couldn’t agree more. Oh how you tease me so.

I’ve watched the Golden Girls as long as I can remember, in college my friends and I had a standing date every afternoon to watch reruns of the girls. We even went to a speaking engagement Rue McClanahan had near our school, during our Senior year at every senior event me and my friends would dress as the Golden Girls, I even have a koozie of the girls. And we know THAT’s commitment.

From the episode where Dorothy tutors the neighborhood hooligan

Back to Betty White though, besides being a total steel lady fox, she has comedy chops that kick all modern comediennes in the butt. Even when she’s caught coming out of the Doctor’s office by TMZ she’s got a zinger. She’s one of those people who’s always on and doesn’t even have to try to be funny.

For you to joke like this with me is just cruel. Now I demand you dump KStew or TomStu or whoever you’re with this week and get with Betty White. She’s got more happening than anyone you’ve ever been with: she’s funny, she’s a GILF, she smiles, she’s got a mean curler set hairdo, she can tell a mean story about St. Olaf, everyone wants her to host SNL, and she can take a direct tackle in football,  I demand this happen now. Oh and I also demand Betty White hosts SNL this year. I mean JfreakingLO hosted why not a REAL actress/comedienne?!

Loving you more, if possible,
Themoonisdown

Now sing it with me after the cut!

Today lion confesses that she may not be so innocent anymore….

Dear Rob,

What started out as an innocent little vampire movie has led me to some interesting things.  Do you have any idea what’s happened to me since I first saw Twilight in July 2009?  It’s a sweet little PG-13 thing, right?  Uh, no!

Well, for starters, I read porn now.  Some people call it fanfic, but it’s actually porn because anything that you read that instantly makes you wanna rip off your clothes to do your DH (of 14 years) in the middle of the day on the kitchen floor, is just porn.  Thanks, Rob!  I never would have read “fanfic” if it wasn’t for you, and I’m not sorry about any of this, but I am a little worried about myself.  Is this normal?

I’ve also taken to reading and watching all of the books that your films are based on, such as “Bel Ami,” “Water for Elephants,” etc…as well as watching films that you’ve mentioned, just in passing, such as Godard’s “Prenom’ Carmen” and “Last Tango in Paris.”  Remember, You and Kristen bonded over “Last Tango in Paris,” and although I’d seen it 20 years ago, it took on new meaning when I saw it last week.  Can I just say that a stick of butter and a sexual act that is not legal in some states appears in Last Tango?   See Rob, more porn.  Everything you do or say somehow leads to porn.

Is this your legacy?  I don’t even know if it’s possible for you not to be sexy.  For example, you tried not to be sexy in “How to Be,” but when I saw you do pushups…sexy.  When you talked to yourself in the mirror, again…sexy…and adorable.   In Little Ashes, you kiss a man (and other sexual things) and even that did unspeakable things to me.  If “Bel Ami” delivers on the sex, I may be in the same Sexual Addiction program as Tiger Woods.

Worried, but not shy or cowardly
lion

To the LTR girls: So has your little crush on Rob lead to harder, more serious things?  I’d love to know…or not…

To those of you who have no hit the “harder stuff,” you can at least take a peek at what you’re missing. These fanmade vids are incredible:

From Wide Awake:

From The Office and (NSFW- aka HOT):

UC here- Yes. I saw Rob on Fallon last night. Yes. I saw the back of his head and his ass in between all the photographers running through the crowd at the Remember Me premiere. Yes. I had an amazing time meeting all the new LTT/LTR friends. Yes. My feet hate me and will never forgive me for what I put them through. Yes. I will talk about it more later. Yes. I’m tired. XO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter